Am I Too Old to Wear That?

Growing up in the Chicagoland suburbs, residents enjoyed the telltale signs of spring: warmer weather, longer days, flowers blooming… These were unofficial indicators though. The official celebration occurred when our neighbor, Tina, a tiny, perpetually tanned, chain smoking woman (who loved wearing neon colors), would poke her head out her front door and let out a mighty roar: “FRANKIE! ANTHONY! MIKEY!” Once we heard that gravely voice echo through the streets, we knew, ah yes, spring has sprung.

Here in Seattle, we seem to be on the cusp of spring, though I can’t be 100% certain without Tina screaming after her boys. While I rotated my wardrobe this week, I couldn’t help thinking of her. Putting aside items to donate, I recalled that Tina was just as famous for her fashion choices as she was for yelling. It was not uncommon to catch her at the same stores I shopped at in my youth – stores targeted specifically towards teens. At the time, my friends and I stifled our cackles when we’d see good, old Tina holding up a shirt that was clearly meant for someone a fraction of her age.

Time has caught up with me too though, just as it does with everyone. Now I think I understand Tina’s position a bit better. Today, I am a single woman in my early 30’s who is trim and enjoys fashion. I’m young enough to still wear a fair variety of styles and cuts, but I recognize that I have crossed a rite of passage. I’m no longer a kid, teen or young woman in my 20’s. Ergo, a question taunts me by whispering callously in my ear every time I window-shop, and even as I go through my own closet: “Am I too old to wear that?”

Clothing serves practical functions, but it can also express our personality and mood, indicate our socioeconomic status and lifestyle (or ones we aspire towards), as well as what stage of life we are in. I grew up a pipsqueak. My pre-teen and teen years were filled with the embarrassment of being too tiny to fit into clothes for juniors. Whereas other girls my age could find new outfits and pieces at the drop of a hanger, I swam in the threads, looking more like a kid playing dress-up. Which is why, perhaps, I’ve ended up holding on to the same articles of clothing for years, only retiring them when they’ve fallen into disrepair, or I’m ready to move on. Most often, I enjoy reusing and recycling my own wardrobe by incorporating old pieces into a current aesthetic in a more mature way.

Old vs. new; youth vs. age: I’ve had the dress on the left for 17 years. When I was younger, I would wear a light, open sweater, to emphasize the dress. Now, I pair it with items like the shirt and sweater on the right.

Essentially, I try to toe the line between sporting items that are age appropriate, but still fun and fashion-forward. Society has loosened its collective belt in many ways. No longer are women shamed into wearing matronly, monochromatic ensembles by the time they reach their mid-30’s. On the other hand, we risk being judged as appearing desperate to cling to our youth, trying to pull off looks better suited for women the age of 19…27…35…40. The lines blur.

For her 35th birthday, my sister said she needed new clothes, but expressed frustration by limitations in the fashion world for mothers. Having young children, my sister stressed the need for clothes that can keep up with playtime, messes and being stretched out by tiny (yet mighty) hands. Yet, she didn’t want to give up all traces of being stylish. We laughed at the SNL skit for “Mom Jeans”, but she admitted, “The thing is, I understand that now.”

Enter the fairy god mothers of the world wide web! There are plenty of blogs and websites dedicated to breaking down fashion trends and faux pas for every age group. By including tips and examples of styles put together the right and wrong way, we can assist ourselves before stepping foot out the door. For those who have less free time, but perhaps more disposable income, a few clicks and keystrokes can lead us to our very own image consultants or personal shoppers. And for those who’ve grown weary of fighting elbow to elbow at stores, online services such as Stitch Fix provide consultants who send personalized selections of clothing and accessories to individual users to try on from the comfort of their own home.

Mom Jeans

These online services and sites seem glamorous and exciting, but if you’re like me, you enjoy being the one to pursue good fashion. I also appreciate the guidance and feedback of trusted family and friends. They can offer honesty without ulterior motives. Just be prepared for opinions that aren’t always pleasant, or what you’d like to hear. Case in point: a few years ago, my Mom shared her perspective of cartoon prints being better suited for younger women. It was tough to absorb at the time, because I’d always been partial to fun or funny cartoon shirts or designs, but it was beneficial to heed her advice. I came to agree with her, and parted ways with items I’d outgrown.

I may not be tan, or smoke like a chimney, but I’d like to think I can someday carry Tina’s torch when it comes to being the beacon of seasonal change. After all, I too am a little woman with a big mouth. I’m honing a booming shout for my future young ones to come home. However, I hope not to take after her by wearing items that no longer compliment or represent my age.

Aging may not be reversible, but that doesn’t mean we have to shop at Geriatrics Maxx with every passing year or change in life. Ultimately, I factor everything into my fashion decisions: age, marital and family status, the city I live in, and my personality, but I still follow my instincts. It’s not always easy letting go of our past, especially when we enjoyed a certain look, trend, accessory or ensemble, but in allowing ourselves to shed the old, we make room to look forward to something new, different and just as exciting.

Old-fashioned Challenge: As you rotate your wardrobe this season, take a critical look at what you put away and take out. Invite a few friends or family over for a glass of wine and go through what to keep and what to pitch together. After donating the old items, enjoy replacing them with new pieces.

© Tia Gargiulo, 2015

To :) or Not to Emoticon…

In a letter from the fall of 1998, my then-boyfriend described what he’d observed at his university’s computer lab. Two students sat next to one another, but neither spoke. Instead, they communicated using a dialogue box on their computers, referred to as, “instant messenger.” Instead of gauging each other’s responses by looking at one another, the combination of typed punctuation marks in their IMs resembled a variety of facial expressions. Being 3 years away from owning a personal computer that had AOL Instant Messenger, the concept of IMs and emoticons were both foreign and ridiculous sounding to me.

When I shared that anecdote at work, I was teased relentlessly by a co-worker who’s nearly 10 years my junior. “No one uses emoticons anymore; it’s emojis now,” He scoffed. At first I glared, but quickly I smirked, knowing that it’ll only be a matter of time before some snot-nosed kid tells my co-worker that he’s living in the past.

Whether utilizing the apparently outdated emoticons (pictorial representations of facial expressions), or the current wave of emojis (pictographs expressing a wide range of activities and emotions), these forms of communication existed well before smart phones and IMs. Computer coding of emoticons was first suggested pre-Internet on university science boards in the early 80’s. Go back even further in time and you’ll discover expressions of affection were tapped out using Morse code in the mid-1800’s. Just a few years before then, as in 3500 BCE – 400 CE, Egyptians symbolized their words by using hieroglyphs.

Rough translation: “OMG, that guy behind me is sooooooo cute ;)!!!”

Like any family tree, a gap exists between generations. The patriarch, hieroglyphs, represent a sophisticated and formal manner of communication. Whereas, the modern generation of emoticons and emojis represent the new, now, sleek and informal manner of communication.

As with other forms of everyday technology which altered how we communicate, I’m concerned that the use of emoticons stifle thoughtful, considerate interactions – ones where participants make an effort. In an age when precious seconds can be saved by typing (or clicking) “:)” in place of typing out, “that makes me happy,” emoticons are convenient and quick ways to share a feeling. Although there are plenty of critics and studies devoted to proving that emoticons degrade language, there are proponents who point to the creative, succinct repurposing of language to express nonverbal cues, add meaning, and convey complex messages in single (or few) symbols as examples of how emoticons are actually furthering language.

Looking forward to the day when there’s an emoji for “throwing hat into air a la Mary Tyler Moore.”

Aside from altering communication, the function of emoticons, and its impact continues to proliferate. In an effort to find the most effective methods to draw attention to the nutritional content of food, a study in the UK explored how emoticons may soon be trying to influence your purchasing behavior by frowning at you in the sweets aisle and smiling at you in the veggie department. The recent call to Apple for more culturally diverse emojis further underscores the form of communication’s importance.

They may be an abbreviation of a thought or feeling, but emoticons and emojis also manage to clarify the tone or attitude of a written message. In the absence of one’s physical presence, a smiley or frown face can go a long way in expressing a small reflection of the communicator’s meaning behind their message. Who could have ever foreseen that a few punctuation marks could express so much more than a pause, connection and/or completion of a thought?

Old-fashioned Challenge: The symbolism of emoticons and emojis may be useful shorthand when communicating via written messages, but don’t let it completely replace the function of words. Our loved ones deserve our time, attention, efforts, and responses that include more than a blank, encrypted smile.

© Tia Gargiulo, 2015

Life Is but an (Augmented) Dream

Imagine you go to a party. On the way in, you put on a pair of “smart glasses”: a self-contained, cordless computer. Once the glasses are on, you experience the party, guests and environment as you would normally, while simultaneously experiencing an augmented reality. One wherein you see great works of art, regularly housed in museums and private collections, but tonight, it’s available for you to study from every angle and beyond barriers. Except it’s an illusion; a hologram.

The above scenario was described to me by my stylist. It turns out one of her clients works for Microsoft. As one of many developers, he’s currently engrossed with the production of HoloLens, a platform marketed as a level beyond virtual reality because of its blending of holograms with one’s real time environment. As my stylist talked about the technology, I imagined the film Vanilla Sky, and the swanky bachelor pad Tom Cruise’s character used to entertain guests with holograms of John Coltrane playing music. The juxtaposed reality in the film shook me up when I first saw it years ago. The fictional 2001 film vs. a real product in present time was particularly overwhelming to ponder while waiting for a fresh coat of hair dye to take root.

Party décor use was just one of HoloLens’ astounding, seemingly infinite potential applications. Beyond home entertainment and gaming, demos of the “holographic computing platform” show users teaching, learning, communicating and designing. Whether working, playing or connecting, HoloLens can impact every area of life. The seamless integration of the real world with that of an alternate reality offers users the ability to create (whether it be for fantasy or reality) without physically leaving the room they’re in.

Death doesn’t stop John Coltrane from performing as a hologram in the film Vanilla Sky.

In many ways, this seems like a logical, natural next step in technological progress and advancement. Between Bluetooth devices emanating familiar voices in our ears, Skype and other video chatting services displaying loved ones right in front of us – even from states or countries away, the internet readily accessible to give us a preview of menus before stepping foot into a restaurant, trackers to help us find the quickest methods and routes to take alongside GPS navigating us to our destinations, weather updates so we need not peek out the window to know we’ll need an umbrella, sunglasses, or jacket, instant messaging and texts cropping up in rapid fire succession to keep us connected, and music, movies, books and other streaming media washing over our senses at all times – well… suffice it to say, we already exist in a self-contained technological bubble. At the moment, all our apps and devices are ones that are separate from our beings. Though we rarely do, we can still put down our phones, disconnect while at work or visiting. With the incorporation of HoloLens technology, are we losing ourselves to augmented reality?

As explored repeatedly in this blog, technology connects us, bringing us closer together, but it also alienates and pushes us further apart from one another. Will technology such as HoloLens bring us one step closer to completely cutting ourselves off from direct contact with each other? I worry about the lines continuing to blur; the distinction of real life and dream becoming indistinguishable.

Demo for HoloLens.

Then again, I think of the learning curve, adjustments and integration of society’s technological history. For instance, look at the advent of radio. A 1938 broadcast of an adaptation of the classic H.G. Wells The War of the Worlds led to panic and confusion for listeners that didn’t realize warnings of an alien invasion were not real. Upon first seeing moving images of trains in film and on TV, audiences were reported to have jumped out of their seats to avoid what was an illusion of sudden death. Presuming HoloLens takes off, it could represent the next piece of technology to initially astound, but then become incorporated into our routines in a marginal way. After all, the novelty and mystery of innovation wears off. How often are we wowed today by brewing ourselves a cup of coffee? Or driving around town?

My head felt heavy as a brick after researching HoloLens. I closed my tablet once I’d had enough, and looked up at the world around me. Outside my window, Seattle was doing its thing. A torrential downpour soaked the grounds after the sky opened up a short while before. Yet at that moment, the precipitation had passed, and the dandelion glow of the sun mixed with another batch of menacing clouds on the horizon. Then I looked over at my cat, who was snoozing on the loveseat. I smirked and walked toward the couch. The simple perception of real life unfolding in real time was a poignant reminder of what’s really meaningful: to turn off, put away, and disconnect from technological reliances. To look up, out, and around to take note of what is. What truly is.

Technology offers ceaseless wonder that can take our breaths away, but what’s most stunning and wondrous is what’s authentic. At least, that is my belief. As I curled up on the couch, listening to passing rain followed by chirping birds being lured out by the sun, I laughed at my cat who was crawling all over me and drooling (he thinks he’s a dog). He finally got comfortable and we nestled into each other. As he purred, I smiled. There was nowhere else in the world I would have wanted to be. No augmented reality could have heightened the happiness or satisfaction I felt. That is my reality, in the here and now.

Old-fashioned Challenge: Live real life to its fullest.

© Tia Gargiulo, 2015

Punctuality & Technology: Now and Then

In the fall of 2000, in the quad of Eastern Illinois University, I waited for a classmate on an unseasonably warm and sunny Sunday. Save for the sound of birds chirping and the soft rustling of trees, it was quiet. The world, or at least the one contained within the campus, was still asleep. I checked my watch: it was nearly 15 minutes past the time my friend and I agreed to get together to study for an upcoming French exam. Since my classmate was normally on time, I dismissed the tardiness as a one-off occurrence. Not feeling overly eager to delve into studying, I decided instead to relax. I leaned back and soaked up the sun. Then, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and enjoyed the scent of freshly cut grass.

Although I was resting, my mind was still at work. At first, small thoughts bubbled up, then a greater realization surfaced: it must have been daylight savings, and I hadn’t set my clocks back an hour. Thus, I missed the treasured opportunity to sleep in, and had showed up an hour early for my study session. While I kicked myself for the mix-up, I considered my options, of which there weren’t many. Society was still a few years out from mass use of cell phones, so there was no immediate way for my classmate and I to contact one another. There also wasn’t enough time for me to bother heading back to my dorm. So, I just waited. When my friend arrived (on time), we had a good laugh about my unwitting earliness, then we studied.

Considering mobile devices such as cell phones and tablets are set to update the time automatically, it’s unlikely most people connected to technology today will encounter that mistake. Of course, technology hasn’t eradicated tardiness, but it has altered the way we communicate with those left waiting, as well as how those left to wait occupy their time.

Ben: Hey, let’s all promise that in ten years from today, we’ll meet again, and we’ll see what kind of people we’ve blossomed into.
Susie: Yeah!
Ben: What time do you wanna meet?
J.J.: You mean ten years from now?
Coop: Let’s meet in the morning so we can make a day of it.
Susie: Okay, so what is it? Is it like 9:00? 9:30?
Coop: Well, let’s say 9:00, that way we can be here by 9:30.
McKinley: Well, no, why don’t we say 9:30, and then make it your beeswax to be here by 9:30? I mean, we’ll all be in our late 20’s by then. I just don’t see any reason why we can’t be places on time.
-From the hilarious film: Wet Hot American Summer.

We might joke about pigeon carriers or smoke signals as outdated methods of communicating when disconnected, but the notion of reaching someone instantly had barriers pre-texting, pre-cell phones. Both the message and the messenger needed to travel in order to deliver the communication. Even those with pagers had to go through a few hurdles in order to access the data. If someone was out when they received a page, they’d have to go to a payphone and have enough change to call their answering service, or the person who’d left a callback number. If those without pagers were meeting in a public space, like a restaurant, it wasn’t unheard of for someone running behind to call the business directly and ask an employee to pass on the update.

It was a different experience for those left waiting during that era as well. I used to carry around quite an assortment of items for various situations or moods. Most of the time, I had my Discman, a binder of CD’s, batteries for the Discman, a book, and writing materials. Even though I had plenty to keep busy, there was also a different expectation of how to wait. People were more likely to strike up a conversation with strangers, people watch, or just sit peacefully. Although I think it’s safe to say that most people don’t enjoy waiting, there is something valuable about gaining unexpected downtime. After my initial sense of frustration back on the campus of EIU, I rested. Because of the pause, when my classmate arrived, I felt energized, my head was clear, and I was ready to focus. Sometimes I wonder if I aced the test (merci bien) because of the extra downtime I had that day.

Today, I wonder if there is such a thing as downtime. Because we’re able to communicate instantly via text, IM, email or mobile calls, those left waiting aren’t simply waiting anymore. They can modify their plans accordingly. Since our mobile devices have the ability to satisfy multiple components of our lives – from communication, work and play – those who have a few extra minutes can catch up on correspondence, read an article, pay a bill… We arguably have better opportunities to make time work for us, even as it doesn’t work for others.

Ten years later…
J.J.: Oh, I’m sorry; I’m late. I thought we said 9:30.
Susie: No, we said 9 so we could be here by 9:30.

Aside from the advances in communication technology has created, there are also platforms one can use to combat tardiness. Between calendar reminders, apps that display the real-time progress and an ETA of those who are running late, or even currency converter apps that managers can use to calculate lost income based on how late an employee is to work or a meeting, it would seem as though the chronically late have a greater impetus than ever to get their acts together. Yet, technology has limitations too. Though technology changes constantly, people, on the other hand, rarely do.

The perception of passing time, how much we can accomplish in a given amount of time, and how we feel time is best spent varies from person to person. While I come from a family of largely punctual (if not habitually early) people, my sister tends to run behind. My Mom, Dad and I are organized planners. If anything, we feel more at ease once we’ve arrived at our destination. My sister, on the other hand, gets fixated and distracted by a variety of things while getting ready. Even when she’s given herself more than enough time to accomplish something, the scales tilt quickly, and she feels as though there’s never enough time. She may be a wife and mother now, but even when she was a kid, she was this way.

Whether late or early, excused or unexcused, perpetuator of tardiness or the inconvenienced party, time is the common thread. No matter how we choose to spend our time (and it is a choice), time is precious. So the next time you’re running ahead, behind, or right on time, ask yourself: is what you’re doing the best way to spend your time? Let all subsequent thoughts and actions be guided by the answer to that question.

Old-fashioned Challenge: Have a loved one that is perpetually late, or is not understanding when you’re running behind? Meet in the middle and come to a compromise when it comes to expectations, perceptions and outcomes of setting a date and time, then follow through.

© Tia Gargiulo, 2015